When Carolyn Ellis's marriage hit a crisis point in 2000, she and her husband were the parents of three children aged three, six, and nine. "We did a lot of counseling and therapy," the author and life coach recalls, "but the following year I knew I wanted a divorce."

    Ellis felt emotions familiar to anyone in similar circumstances, including fear, anger, shame, and sadness. "I could have stayed on this path," she says, "but another path was to learn from the experience and to create something new and life-affirming for myself." An epiphany occurred in the course of reading Debbie Ford's landmark book, "Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life," which convinced Ellis that the end of a marriage could spur tremendous positive growth. Instead of viewing her divorce as a "failure," she reframed the event as a chance to become more mindful of her behavior in all kinds of relationships and make changes that lead toward a happier life.

    "There's a paradigm in our society that holds that after a divorce you are scarred or somehow damaged goods," says Ellis. "The idea is just to survive it, and a lot of people settle for that. But why not thrive? Why not raise the bar higher?"

    With this attitude in mind, the Toronto resident redirected her professional career - which included stints on Wall Street and as a fundraiser - to study with Debbie Ford directly and become Canada's first certified spiritual divorce coach. Ellis now teaches "Thrive After Divorce" classes, writes an advice column, publishes an "e-zine," provides personal life coaching services and will offer live, online classes at eMindful in the Fall of 2007.  She also has written a forthcoming book entitled "The Seven Pitfalls of Single Parenting." Her message, put simply, is that each of us can flourish after life throws us a curve.

    "I'm trying to provide practical information and strategies that can help people in day to day life," says Ellis. "I want to show how it's really possible to create a different meaning for yourself [from what is widely perceived as adversity]. I provide principles that act as a compass for guiding one's life." Examples of the latter include trust - "that at your core you believe in yourself deeply" - and responsibility - "that you played a part in what happened and can learn from it."

    Ellis concedes that during the first six or so months after a break-up it may be difficult to recognize the positive impact of a divorce. "There's a stage of trauma," she notes, "and of emotional shock. Counselors can help during this time." Once a sense of equilibrium is re-established, however, she urges individuals to develop tangible strategies for their new lives. These apply to relationships with children, former spouses, and one's self.

     "When I separated from my husband," she recalls, "I worried whether the divorce would emotionally scar my children for life and whether they would be able to have healthy, loving relationships of their own later in life. Unfortunately, most of what I found [in bookstores and on the Internet] was psychobabble or dry academic theory."

    Through her own experience, research, and "lots of trial and error," Ellis developed an approach that led her to happiness and success as a single, divorced parent. It is a distillation of this four-pronged strategy and six fundamental concepts that she shares in her current work. "What I am teaching is effective not simply in the aftermath of divorce," Ellis concludes, "but also in response to a health, financial, or career challenge. The same 'thrive' principles can apply."

   Carolyn will be teaching her "Thriving After Divorce" principles, live, on eMindful in the Fall of 2007.  Information regarding dates will be in upcoming newsletters.